Just In Time For Mother's Day, 2010

Whoever said "ho bags can't be good mothers" obviously never met Shauna Sands. Martha Stewart and all those country club wives better watch the fuck out because Shauna is the real deal. Some might look at this photograph and say "she's horrible example for her daughters" or "my eyes, my eyes, they burn" but they just aren't looking hard enough. In her busy day of X-rated movie-making and beach trolling with men that physically abuse her, Shauna manages to knit her own dress, color coordinate her daughter's outfits AND still find some "me" time. That's resourceful, nurturing, proactive and not to mention prudent since found a pair of granny-panties to wear. Now that's a mother! Those fucking country club moms don't know the meaning of true motherhood with their PTA meetings, polo shirts, car pools, private schools and organic foods. Shauna Jr. is disgusted just thinking about them. Thatta girl.

Picture from - http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/01/how-can-this-be-legal/

Because I Hate You and Myself

If I'm going to have topless pictures of Courtney have this burned into my memory, I'm taking you down with me.

Article and Picture from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/13/topless-courtney-love-sho_n_421483.html

Fucking Nerds

Nerds can't handle life. They've been playing to many computer games and jerking off to too much porn and consequently they're all pale, they're lonely, they don't know how to interact with the regular people and they're too fucking sensitive. Case in point:

On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled "Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.

One fan wrote:

'I can't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it. I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in 'Avatar.'

*Sigh. If these nerds spent sometime outside of their gaming/porn chair and learned how to interact with people, they would have discovered the solution to their problem....DRUGS. I fucking hate life too and I love dreaming about ending it all and I'm not even anything special, everyone thinks about that shit. The key to coping is drugs and booze. I have to spend 10 hours a day, at my desk, taking it up the butt from the world but when I get home, I fucking drink and smoke those memories into oblivion. And guess what, that shit fucking works because all my problems seem so fixable and so not important. Nerds need to stop dreaming about a planet with blue Sasquatches for people and start dreaming about the next time they can get high and drunk like us normal folks.
One day they'll thank me for this.

Story from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/12/avatar-induced-depression_n_420605.html
Picture from - http://wp.enderzero.net/uploads/avatar.jpg

A Dark Knight

Thank God for stories like this because I would NOT be able to deal with getting yelled at constantly, the extra 15 lbs I'm carrying around or Casey Johnson's death without reading about someone like Heidi Montag.

At just 23 years old, The Hills star Heidi Montag decided to go under the knife for a second time and have a staggering 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day. "For the past three years, I've thought about what to have done," the reality star tells PEOPLE. "I'm beyond obsessed."

2010 isn't looking like it's going to be a good year for Heidi's face. Heidi was never really a looker shall we say but she was actually kind of pretty after her second round of facial surgeries (circa 2008). Fucked it all to hell now because she looks like a blond version of MJ. Her eyes alone look like the fucking Batman symbol where the wings slope upwards at an unnatural angel. She could fucking stop crime and strike fear into the hearts of criminals everywhere with that face Good job, Heidi. TO THE BAT CAVE!



Story from - http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20336472,00.html
Picture from - http://perezhilton.com/2010-01-13-so-this-is-why-we-havent-seen-much-of-heidi-montag-lately
Picture from - http://www.photoshopstar.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/batman-logo.jpg

Dirty Ho Bags and Juice Heads Have Stolen My Head

If you aren't watching "The Jersey Shore" fucking start watching it because it's awesome. I knew it was going to be amazing even before I saw it because sluts, Guido, rhinestones, Jersey and damaged brain cells make for a show that shits pure gold. For those of you that aren't watching, then you won't be able to appreciate the picture above and therefore we won't ever be friends and that's too bad because I'm fucking cool. Such a lonely life you lead.

Picture from - http://perezhilton.com/2010-01-04-michael-ceras-jersey-shore-makeover

Let Yourself Go Much?

Dude, Gerard Butler, what the fuck happened? You have a gut and a set of man boobs that look like they are begging to be milked. Oh by the way, if you find something that offers the support of an under wire without the actual wire, call me because that's the holy grail for us big-chested folks.

Picture from - http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20333985,00.html

I'm A Fatty, Pick Me!

Being fat sucks balls for a million reasons but if I'm going to be fat, I want to be fat in America. I feel like fat people in America are like snobby people in France, it's just where they belong and where you would expect to find them. Well looks like the fucking fatties in America are finally coming out on top.

Subway's previous weight loss poster child, Jared, may have fallen off the wagon, but now the sandwich chain is eying another possible success story. Subway, one of the show's sponsors, will pay 'Biggest Loser' contestant Shay Sorrles $1,000 for ever pound she loses before the show's Season 9 finale in May.

Dude, seriously Subway, pick me. I'm fat, I've failed at every diet and I can barely see my feet anymore when I look down. Plus, I'm not only fat but I'm broke as shit too. If you pay me $1,000 per pound, I'll fucking look like I've been in a starvation camp for a year. I'll look like Amy Winehouse and all those cracked out fashion magazines that airbrush their models to unrealistic proportions will cover their magazines in Subway ads. Everyone wins. PICK ME!

Article - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/04/subway-to-pay-biggest-los_n_410300.html Picture from - http://www.realitywanted.com/images/upload/biggestloser/season8/BL8-Shay.jpg

Social Darwinism Is Our Only Hope

If stupid people kill themselves doing stupid shit, then whatever, I'm not going to complain. I don't want to meet one of those fuckers and have a stupid ass child with one of them. What I do give a shit about is stupid-ass people taking out us regular people. If those assholes are taking people down, they need to take down one of those juice heads that work at a gym. Those dipshits would scan their own dick as my membership card because guess what, steroids don't make you smarter! Anyway, I digress from the main point - stupid assholes. Enter stupid fucker and shitty rapper, Bow Wow.

Bow Wow spent New Year's Eve at IV at the Fontainbleau in Miami and Bow Wow took to his Twitter to recount the night's illegal happenings for the world to see.

"Face numb im whippin the lambo. Tispy as f*k. Just left @livmiami."

Im f**ked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris might have to drive after next spot."

Just for reference the "Chris" he is referring to in his last post is Chris Brown. What are the fucking odds that you have two stupid assholes driving drunk, in a fast car, in an area with bridges and they survived the night?!?!? That's like giving a fat camp the keys to a Twinkie factor and returning to find every single Twinkie accounted for. It's so unlikely that it's unreal.

Side note: At least the dipshit is smart enough recognize that he's lucky he didn't kill someone but he's still a fucking idiot because an ape could have written a better apology with finger paint.

"Apologize for that tweet. it was stupid and immature. not a way i want to kick my #2010 year off. i got too much good stuff lined up. my bad."

Oh my bad, I killed your parents and now you're going to have to live with your Aunt who will neglect you and treat you like an indentured servant. Oh my bad, I killed the family dog, Fluffy, that you daughter loved more than her own life and who helped take her mind off the leukemia that is slowly eating through her organs.

Article from - http://perezhilton.com/2010-01-02-bow-wow-tweets-while-drunk-driving
Picture from - http://buzzworthy.mtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/bow_wow.jpg