Fuck Yeah Bitches

Last Sunday's U2 concert in Pasadena was fucking record breaking. U2 streamed the entire concert on you tube and 10 million people in over 188 countries watched. Fuck yeah! *Air guitar! I was there and I don't know if you ever tried to navigate through a crowd of 97,000 people at the Rose Bowl but I'm assuming that's what it felt like going through my mother's birthing canal. Totally worth it though. It was an amazing show and the fact that I was at a concert that over 10 million people saw is so rad. Yeah, that's right I said "rad" and I just played my fucking air guitar harder than Dwight Schrute on a sales call!

Article from - http://www.u2.com/news/title/ten-million-streams-188-countries
Picture from - http://www.showmehowtoplay.com/_images/smhtp_artist/large/50.jpg

Venezula's President Can Suck It

President Hugo Chavez's first mistake is taking political advise from Sean Penn. Sean Penn is an actor and just because he travels to Venezula to discuss filming a movie there doesn't mean he knows shit about politics. I mean, I don't know Mr. Penn but if I'm the president of a country with serious social and economical problems such as Venezula, Sean Penn isn't going to be my first call.

His second mistake is criticizing President Obama by saying:

"They gave him the Nobel Prize, very well, now he should earn it."

Ok the Nobel Prize thing was a little uncalled for and over the top but last time I checked, Hugo is a pretty shitty Presidnet. Let's see, how about the fact that he tried to censor the news by trying to forcibly take control of news outlets as well as intimate journalists. Or, how about he organized a coup in 1992. (HEY THAT RYMES!) Oh and let's not forget to mention that his country is fucking poor and overrun by corruption. It's laughable to me that he can even pretend to have the authority to criticize the president of a country where it's citizens don't have to travel around with armed body guards and little shits like me can openly criticize their government, their president and anyone else I feel like. Constructive criticism is always a good thing because every leader needs a good kick in the ass but 1.) that's not constructive, it's vague at best, 2.) Hugo should probably leave the criticism alone until he becomes a positive force within his own country and 3.) he's fat. The fat isn't really relevant but he is so there!

Picture and Article from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/30/sean-penn-visits-hugo-cha_0_n_339708.html

A Visual Hangover

Celebrity Halloween costumes can go one of two ways - 1.) they can be really cool because they're rich and they can afford to have really elaborate and clever costumes or 2.) they can be really fucking stupid and annoying because celebrities are really stupid and fucking annoying.
Enter Exhibit A - Tara Banks dressed as Kim Kardashian. When did dressing up as Kim Kardashian become an acceptable Halloween costume? I know she sometimes looks like a clown with all that makeup on and those stupid outfits but she's in definitely not cool enough for Halloween. Ooo, look at me being all rude by just talking about Kim, fucking Tara sucks my balls too. Combining Tara and Kim in one costume is like mixing red wine, with white wine, with whiskey, with beer, with vodka and a handful of pills. You're going to be sick to your stomach, make you pray for death and probably kill enough brain cells to classify you as mentall disabled.

Picture from - http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20315353,00.html#20697270

Catholics Need A Sense of Humor

Guess it's just rip on special interest groups day today (read post below) because Catholics to remove their eternal damnation out of their asses and get a fucking sense of humor. I totally could have made a crack about priests and little boys when discussing Catholic's asses but I thought I'd keep it classy and focus on the real issue - Larry David is a genius.

On last week's episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm", Larry David's pee accidentally sprayed on a portrait of Jesus Christ and made it appear as if the Jesus was crying. You'd have to watch the full episode to get the proper context but it was fucking hysterical. Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, apparently disagrees according to a statement he just released.

"Was Larry David always this crude? Would he think it comedic if someone urinated on a picture of his mother? This might be fun to watch, but since HBO only likes to dump on Catholics (it was just a couple of weeks ago that Sarah Silverman insulted Catholics on "Real Time with Bill Maher"), and David is Jewish, we'll never know."

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/28/catholic-league-angered-b_n_337199.html

First off - I'd be fucking honored if Larry pissed on a protrait of my mom on "Curb" because I guarantee it would be fucking funny. I'd fucking give Larry and autographed picture of my entire fucking family if he'd use it for part of the show.

Anyway, I'm guessing that Bill doesn't watch the show because Larry makes fun of Jews, the African American community, the physically disabled, people with mental disabilities, actors, doctors, bald people, fucking every group in society and it's not only hysterical but it's smart and right on the nose. Don't get all Sara Palin on me, Bill. Larry David and HBO aren't out to get Catholics because no one really cares that much. Get a fucking sense of humor because this isn't the motherfucking Spanish Inquisition. There's a reason why religion in general is unpopular because it comes off as serious, exclusive and filled with hate. I was raised Catholic and I remember the nuns telling me I was in danger of going to hell when I was fucking 6 years old. I started sleeping walking into my parents room and dreaming that the devil was going to steal me from my bed and I WAS FUCKING 6! Maybe, instead of worrying about TV shows and telling children they're going to hell, try to concentrating on saving babies in third world countries and feeding the poor. Whoa, what a fucking outside-of-the-box idea.


Story - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/28/catholic-league-angered-b_n_337199.html
Picture from - http://www.nationallampoon.com/files/2009/05/18-larry-david.jpg

The Blind and Deaf Community Are A Bunch Of Babies

Whoa, wait until I finish explaining why before you get your pigtails in a twist. Abigail Breslin, the 13 year-old-actress from "Little Miss Sunshine" and Zombieland, has been cast to play Helen Keller in the Broadway production of "Miracle Worker". The blind and deaf community are getting all upset and shit because the producers decided not to cast a blind or deaf actor for the part.

Sharon Jensen, executive director of the Alliance for Inclusion in the Arts, (sic) said in an interview late Wednesday that her organization strongly opposed a decision by the producers to not audition actresses for the part who shared Helen’s disabilities. “We do not think it’s O.K. for reputable producers to cast this lead role without seriously considering an actress from our community”.

I'm doing the jerk off motion right now because the members of the blind and deaf community that are bitching are being a bunch of fucking babies. The economy sucks lady and why the fuck won't the producers want to cast a recognizable and critically acclaimed actor in their play? Being all Hollywood and important, I'm actually "in the know" about this subject and the simple fact is that it's easier to get investors if there is a "name" attached to a project. This isn't a fucking charity, it's business and it makes sense for them to cast an Oscar-nominated actor. I agree that they should have seriously consideration should have gone to a blind or deaf actor but who's to say they didn't? Fucking, quit whining and making up shit, Sharon because it makes you sound like a baby. If Abigail won that part fair and square, then get over it and tell your blind and deaf actors to do some porn or something so they can become more of a "name". I'm sorry the producers of this play aren't fucking Bill Gates and can afford to cast whomever they want and shit money all at the same time but that's life and if life were fair, then I would have gotten birthday and Christmas presents past the age of five. Sack up because it ain't going to get any easier.

Story and Picture from - http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/29/advocacy-group-opposes-miracle-worker-casting-choice/

So You Wanna Be A Fat Man...?

Chaz, formally known as Chastity Bono, is undergoing cosmetic surgery to transition to look more like a man. In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, Chaz describes how amazing it feels to find himself and embrace who he truly is.

"I feel more like myself more than I ever felt. I feel happier and more confident. I used to live most of my life in my head because I was so uncomfortable in my body. The most important thing about this for me is that my outsides are finally starting to match my insides

."

So based on the pictures I've seen recently, his insides feel like a really fat man....? I'm confused because that would mean he feels constantly hungry, sluggish, short of breath accompanied by chest pains and like his stomach rivals the circumference of a planet?

*scratching head

Guess I'm missing something.

Story from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/28/chaz-bono-my-outsides-are_n_337647.html
Picture from - http://mgwriters.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/chav-bono.jpg

Still Don't Get It - Continued

Let's revisit the subject of how the fuck Jon Gosselin is getting laid:
Recap - he's a douchebag, fat, balding, has bitch-tits and apparently would let a Michael Jackson babysit his eight children in hell for a dollar. Add a "terrible boyfriend" and "emotionally abusive" to that list and you got yourself a real puzzler.

Hailey Glassman says her reality star boyfriend is emotionally abusive – and she's sick of it. "He'll call me and take his anger out on me," Glassman, 22, says in a two-part interview scheduled to air on The Insider beginning Thursday. "He has 'mantrums.' I shouldn't have to put up with being emotionally abused. I cry and say, 'Why are you so mean to me?' " But she may not get a straight answer. "Sometimes he has trouble with the truth," she says, "and he will dance and dance around his lies. He's like Jekyll and Hyde. But I still love him."

I also read that he smokes pot after his kids are asleep but I don't think it's that bad. My dad use to tell me that good girls roll joints for their fathers 365 days a year and not just on Father's Day so I'd just like to just pretend that's actually true instead of having to pay for therapy. Anyway, I honestly don't get how Jon Gosselin is continuing to get laid if the date rape drug isn't involved. I'm calling on the women and goats of the world to cross their legs/squeeze their cheeks together whenever you see Bitch-Tits around because this needs to stop. I know the goats really don't have a choice in the matter but it's becoming an embarrassment for women.

Story from - http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20315943,00.html
Picture from - http://notjustanotherjen.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/jon_gosselin_and_christian_audigier_shirts.jpg