Your Mothers Are Retards - Happy Late Mother's Day

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not a conservative - shit, fuck, piss, tits, bitch - a self loathing asshole, sure, but not a conservative. I saw this video this morning that made my eyes burn it was so inappropriate. Basically it's a dance troop of 7 year old girls wearing bikinis and dancing to "Single Ladies". It's important to note that these girls look like fucking sluts. These kids are thrusting their hips, shaking their asses all while wearing basically nothing. Who the fuck ok'd this? Call me sexist but I'm going to point the finger at their retard mothers who think the only career for their daughters is stay-at-home-mom, midwife, secretary or stripper.

I picture a bunch of older, fat women, stuffing themselves with Cheetos and thinking to themselves "my baby is gonna be the next Britney Spears and we'll get them fancy, endless buffets at Sizzler." They've got to learn to chew the Cheetos first before swolling them whole cuts off the oxygen to their brain which in turns limits their brain function. If those stage whores were really thinking, I'm sure they'd sign these girls up to play the role of "bait" on a show called, "To Catch a Predator". Yeah, that's one step away from Broadway for those fucks.

Link to video: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/12/young-girls-do-beyonces-s_n_573130.html

Picture : http://www.thetartan.org/system/assets/0001/5560/asset_small.jpg

Bitter Doesn't Really Work For You

Christina Aguilera sucks; she's always sucked and she's always acted like a bitch. Honestly, who fucking cares that she has an eight octave range and can sing that stupid song from "Mulan"? She's no Britney and she'll never be as loved as Britney who, by the way, can barely function in regular society.

It must really chap Christian's ass that she's way more talented than Britney but she'll never be able to dethrone a brainless and talentless bag-o-jello that lip syncs for Cheetos. Bitter much? Guess that partially explains what crawled up Christina's butt during a recent interview in which she demanded that someone shoot the reporter that coughed during her interview.

Video link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/26/christina-aguilera-gets-m_n_552599.html

Bitch please! Be as diva-licious as you want but she'll always be referred to as "whatsherface....the wanna be Britney...oh come on, you know who I mean, what's her name again....something XXX porno tron"? She should be nicer and just thankful that she was even allowed to have a career. If this were China, fuck, a girl as tiny and as powerful as she is would have been forced to become an Olympic gymnast or die trying. Count your blessings.

Picture from - https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-T-41IRsI3oAqNzLSfB9fuxdqLvltTVEzmLbTpGFw5-wPSlBEQYHdZwq6HdRK_FrkbyCPSd89Knnmhpcbdywg3ADrkZb1lnyJksYntUW4twmeeP8oRvs22CO1CNHCObg06nMSuAQIwc/s400/christina-aguilera-bad-makeup-240tp042908.jpg

Story from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/26/christina-aguilera-gets-m_n_552599.html

I Don't Blame You, Kitten

This poor fucking kitten. Not only is it unwillingly involved in the douche-baggery that is Hollywood, but Kim Big-Boned-Kardashian is holding it by its neck for a Twitter picture. That kitten has hit fucking rock bottom and it isn't even one. It looks like it wants to fucking end its short little life and I don't blame it. If Kim Kardashian ever directly touched me, I'd probably have to cut off the limb to save my soul.

Let's get back to the point though, what the fuck, Kim?!?!? We don't pick you up by your double-wide just because you have excess skin there. Ok well no one has ever really attempted it because because picking her up by her ass would be like a five year old palming a basketball. Only a fucking 10 foot tall Avatar could handle her ass.

Oh and yeah, I'm more than comfortable to call Kim "fat" and "big-boned" even though I'm overweight because I don't treat animals like a prop and then post it on fucking Twitter. She should apologize to that kitten and then get back on her knees to suck of the E! network.

Picture from - http://twitpic.com/1gpmua

Daddy Would Be Proud

Katy Perry went to Coachella this weekend and dressed like a slutty version of Tina Turner from "Mad Max". I guess if I had a body like that I'd be more inclined to dress like a completely whore but I thought she was from a REALLY religious family. I mean, shouldn't she be dressed in long sleeves and screaming that makeup is the devil's crayons?

P.S. My friend who's in the know (wink, wink, because I'm cool like that) says Katy is a bitch and really demanding. Karma is going to catch up to her when her breasts hit the ground and hervagina rips to the size of the grand canyon after giving birth to Russell Brand's baby. You know that baby is coming out with daddy's Mohawk and that shit ain't coming out without ripping something. Karma's a bitch sometimes.

Picture from - http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/04/ohai-katy-perry-at-coachella/

I Love Whores

I love me some whores, especially whores doing random things. They kind of just do what they do and don't give a shit about anything. They don't care about what others think of them, about the speed limit, about their drinks being ruffied or about being accidentally impregnated.

I found this awesome video filled with what else, whores being awesome. They even found a fucking lama to be in their video. Shit yay! Here's to whores! Hip, hip, horay!

http://www.youtube.com/user/marons1?feature=mhw4#p/u/0/_v4CONsTUgQ

Rumer Willis Is Good Looking, Perez Not So Much

This post doesn't fall under the category of news but it does fall under the category of Perez Hilton is annoying as shit. Ok so yeah, I read Perezhilton. Whatever, go ahead and judge. Sure he's usually the last to report new celebrity gossip and yeah his commentary isn't really original but I'd rather read his dribble than actually having to look up from my computer while at work.

So I just read ANOTHER post of his where he bashes Rumer Willis. I don't get what she's done to him because based on how he writes about her, she like destroyed his vintage collection of Cher memoribilia or something.

Wow, Potato Head!! We didn't know you had it in you!!Good lord, he is HAWT!'Actress' Rumer Willis is apparently 'rumored' to be engaged to her boyfriend Micah Alberti, and the two could be married as early as June!! (sic) We guess she realizes that no matter how gay-faced he might be, Micah is the best girl is gonna get! Smart move, bb! Tie that shiz DOWN!

I'm not in the business of kissing celebrity ass but I've seen and talked to Rumer Willis and 1.) she's actually very pretty and 2.) she was super nice. I'll even go so far as to say that she was normal and there's non of that bullshit celebrity ego-bullshit. Just a really nice girl.

Back to the point, should Perez really be making fun of how people look? Fact: he's kind of weird looking himself. Fact: that overbite isn't doing him any favors. Fact: I KNOW girlfriend wishes he had Rumer's body. Obviously my good looks and amazing body personally excludes me from this debate (BOO-YAH!) so I can say whatever I want about how people look.

But seriously, Perez, it's getting to be mean especially since it's not like she's a drunk, or a bitch, or overexposed. I guess since I find Rumer beautiful, us beautiful people gotta look out for eachother. Beside, let's get back to bashing celebrities that really deserve i.e. the Gosselins, any of the Lohans or Sarah Palin!

Picture From : http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20080703/425.willis.hilton.070308.jpg
Perez Post: Celebrity gossip juicy celebrity rumors Hollywood gossip blog from Perez Hiltonhttp://perezhilton.com/#ixzz0lCsbn5dj

Fist to Face

There's one thing to make me come out of my depression induced coma and that's the Gosselins. See up until today I was kind of thinking, "fuck my two readers, I ain't do the Poop League anymore because drinking is a much better way to cope with a shitty boss." Twenty eight days later and one expensive cab ride back from Promises and I realized that I need the league.

God must have agreed with me because today I read yet another story about Kate Gosselin crying on People.com about being a single mom and being forced to do "Dancing With The Stars" to support her hundred children.

"I've got to work harder now than ever because I am a single mom," the former Jon & Kate Plus 8 star, 35, said Tuesday on NBC's Today show. "In my heart I'm always in my kitchen, baking and cooking for my kids, and I'll always be there. It's a struggle to be here [in New York], to be anywhere. The emotion that you see is because I would rather be at home with them."

Emotion? What emotion? I don't watch Dancing With Hasbeens or whatever the show is called but I have seen pictures of Kate having epilectic episodes all over that dancefloor and I would say her face shows an utter lack of emotion. On one hand I don't blame her, if I'd been porking that fat piece of shit known as Jon Gosselin for years, I'd have a hard time getting past numb but for fuck's sake, she's getting paid more than I make in two years to literally to be dragged across the dance floor. Why aren't single moms everywhere uniting to kick her ass? Just think about it, she gets so much more money, attention and perks than let's say the single mom working as a secretary at a dentist's office and all she does is bitch about it. Dude, seriously ladies, at the end of your 18 hour day, please organizing a royal ass kicking instead of enjoying your ten minutes of "me" time. Now that I would watch.


Story from - http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20360412,00.html
Pictures from - http://gomezhyatt.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/1263418461_kate-gosselin-290.jpg

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