Monday, December 21, 2009

Not Your Best Choice


Bad idea, Mariah! No one wants to see you accentuate your thighs, "thunder" and "lighting", or "alimony" and "meal ticket" as Nick Cannon likes to call them. Seriously, you look like a gayed-out version of the Marsh mellow man from "Ghost Busters".

Picture from - http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20331967,00.html#20719043

Still Airbrushed To Hell


Bethanny Frankel from the "Real Housewives of New York" posed nude for PETA and she is really proud that her picture wasn't airbrushed to oblivion. In other news, Bethanny thinks the U.S. can solve the recession by stealing money from leprechauns.
"Everything I'm about is being honest and being upfront," Frankel, 39, tells US Magazine "So if people are talking and saying [the photo] was airbrushed...then, you know what? Here's the picture. Have it your way."
-http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/bethenny-frankel-shares-untouched-nude-photo-with-us-20091912

"It's so tasteful and beautifully done. I am especially pleased because it doesn't look like there's been any airbrushing, and I was already pregnant when I shot it."
-http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/bethenny_bares_it_0PTGTma42zcYFRjSF87KYP
I want whatever drugs she's on because that picture is fucking airbrushed to hell. It's not as ridiculous as the airbrushing that Mariah Carey's depends on to hide her chunky monkey parts but come on! In non-airbrushed photo you can see the lower half of her boob, the cellulite on her legs, the discoloration in her skin, the wrinkles in her face, they made her ass smaller and none of that appears in the ad. They basically retouched her entire body. Yeah so either, I want the drugs Bethanny is on or we gotta find those fucking leprechauns and get their gold so I can get a new fucking job in a better economy.

Picture from - http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/bethenny-frankel-shares-untouched-nude-photo-with-us-20091912

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Yeah, Being A Whiny Bitch Should Help


Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna and he's a whiny bitch because everyone still thinks he's a douche. Jeeze! What's the public's problem? It's been over a year already; why aren't we just pretending like this never happened already?

"Unhappy with the distribution of his new CD, 'Graffiti,' [Chris Brown] took to his Twitter page to unleash a profanity-laden rant upon the retailers who "r blackballing" him by refusing to stock it."

Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck uuuuuuuuup! Let's not forget that he beat her so bad that applied "pressure to her right carotid arteries causing her to be unable to breath. She began to lose consciousness. She reached up with her left hand and began to attempting to gauge his eyes in attempt to flee herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and released her.” The fact he isn't in jail and getting it up the ass Shawshank-style is soooo unfair! That tool got off fucking lucky so I think it's only fair that he losses his career, lives in poverty and has to go down on Rosie until he's actually sorry. Rosie will show him what it's like losing consciousness with his face in her muff pillow. Sweet justice!

Article and picture from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/14/chris-brown-enraged-store_n_390918.html

Last quote from - http://www.wwtdd.com/2009/08/370231/

Friday, December 11, 2009

Being Mean to Babies and Abusing The Elderly Are Both Wrong


Bridget Moynahan is a bitch. Yeah that's right, I fucking went there. Ok, "Bitch" might be too strong so I'll go with pathetic. Bridget Moynahan, Tom Brady's first baby mama released this statement in regards to the birth of Tom's second child with model, Gisele:

"I wish [Tom and Gisele] the best with their baby," the actress, 38, tells PEOPLE in a statement. "I'm sure my son will enjoy having a half-sibling. I ask the press to respect our privacy while we are welcoming this new addition to our extended family."


"Half-sibling", really? It's like the second day of this kid's life and the other kid is only 3 years old and she is already fucking them up. I get that Bridget is bitter but choosing to refer to the new baby as a "half-sibling" is fucking stupid. Even though that's technically accurate, she should just suck it up, stop being so defensive and stop taking it out on a new born. She shouldn't let her bitterness fuck up her child and that other kid too.
That would like me punching my grandma in the face every time my parents called me fat. I tried that once and I guess besides being morally frowned upon, it really made Gammy upset and I didn't get any Christmas presents that year. Worst Christmas ever.

Article - http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20326096,00.html
Picture - http://www.blogcdn.com/www.fanhouse.com/media/2008/06/bradybridget425.jpg

The End of The World


I don't want to alarm anyone but it's the fucking end of the world if people are still fucking Lindsay Lohan. Good thing Lindsay's new spread in Muse magazine shows her in positions that simulates her having sex with two people and taunting humanity with the end of the world.
"Lindsay Lohan is busy not acting and has posed for a spread in Muse Magazine. Inspired by the relationship between Johnny Depp and Kate Moss, the photos reflect debauched times, a threesome, one of Lohan's breasts and her butt."
That girl has got so many STDs that they've started to mutate into the ultimate STD. Fucking her is the equivalent of drinking the blood of that fucking monkey from "Outbreak". Both are fucking death wishes.

Article from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/07/lindsay-lohans-muse-photo_n_382335.html

Picture from - http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/lilo_muse_photo_shoot_7I357qX6cpHXEh6nYRBXuJ?photo_num=2

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Word "Alleged" Seems Unnecessary


Michael Jackson, the alleged child molester, apparently paid $150,000 to commission a painting of him naked surrounded by half a dozen male cherubs. Hmmm, I think the word "alleged"might be superfluous. By my count, he paid about $150,000 for a professional to paint him naked, surrounded by naked boys, while they put flowers in his hair in a field with no other adult there to say "what the fuck are you doing to that kid!?!?". I'm going to go out on a limb and just say Michael Jackson molested children. Bam! There it is. I know it's REALLY out there for those die-hard Michael Jackson but yeah, I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say he did that shit.


Picture and article from - http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/king_of_pop_creepy_portraits_revealed_pNtYZqjFjzxzgfx8gIU3nK

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Like Seriously Guys, Like I'm Really Sorry


Chris Brown continues to be a unrepentant prick-douche-bag. In an upcoming interview on 20/20, Brown does his best to convince America that he is really sorry for beating his girlfriend. Like seriously, like it's not fair that like people don't give him like a chance to like redeem himself. Like that's so jacked and like whatever.

"I never ever had problems with anger. No, no domestic violence with any of my past girlfriends," Brown said. "I never was that kind of person. I look at it, and it's really, like really difficult. It's like, 'How could I be that person?"

Easy on the heartfelt and profound expression of remorse, Chris, or my brain is going to explode. Fucking Chris Brown and Paris Hilton should get together and write sonnets for a Shakespeare Festival or something because they are teeming with poetry. Utterly soul-shaking.


Article from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/03/chris-brown-really-hurtin_n_378730.html

Picture from - http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://twitslam.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/chris-brown-penis.jpg&imgrefurl=http://twitslam.com/%3Fp%3D636&usg=__7wy7N79sDbLGa0XilptV4Yt6jvk=&h=300&w=300&sz=28&hl=en&start=3&sig2=GuXdzCJCH8F2S5b9QDUV1w&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=wKXrGjTf4PP-kM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=116&prev=/images%3Fq%3DChris%2BBrown%2Bis%2Ba%2Bdouche%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1&ei=2RIYS8riGabCswOV9eHQDQ

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I Tried To Let This Go

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Why does she keep wearing this shit? Ok, she's a little heavier than she use to be. I get it, she doesn't have a career, she doesn't have a boyfriend and the closest she is going to get to marriage is hanging out with her dad. Yeah, I would fucking eat my face off too but I definitely would NOT wear something that made me look like the fucking Stay Puft man. Come on, Jessica, help me help you.



Picture 1 from - http://www.wwtdd.com/2009/12/tuesday-morning-headlines-3/

Picture 2 from - http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://marriageconfessions.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/stay-puft-marshmallow-man.jpg&imgrefurl=http://marriageconfessions.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/taxi-cab-confessions/&usg=__OPL09yvcKOztTU5L2t_9skC7qjw=&h=331&w=397&sz=41&hl=en&start=2&sig2=l25o9NroWvNkKDYjG28I9g&um=1&tbnid=SnRvKD6z3lLEvM:&tbnh=103&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3DStay%2BPuft%2BMan%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1&ei=VqcWS7vfC5mktgOludmHBg

Fuck The Swiss


Fuck Polanski. The dude rapes a 13 year old and he gets to live in a Alpine Chalet for free while he waits for a possible extradition.

"After more than two months in a Swiss jail, Roman Polanski will be placed under house arrest at his Alpine chalet on Friday, authorities said. The 76-year-old director must stay in the house and wear an electronic bracelet as officials decide whether to extradite him to the U.S. for having sex in 1977 with a 13-year-old girl, the authorities said.
" An "Alpine Chalet" sounds like a goddamn vacation home not a fucking prison. Fuck the Swiss government!

Those stupid fucking clock makers apparently have failed to grasp the concept of rape. Note to self - if I'm ever going to commit a serious crime, do it Switzerland. Murder someone? Great, here's penthouse apartment over looking the city of Lucerne. Grand Theft Auto? Here's a brand new 2010 Saab. Stab an elderly person and drag their mutilated body through the center of town? Here's a fucking penthouse suite at a motherfucking ski resort.

Let's just hope that Polanski spends some time in a U.S. jail and then he'll learn what "special treatment" really means. I think Tiny is getting awful lonely in Cell Block Take-It-Up-The-Ass.


Article from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/02/polanski-gets-house-arres_n_376964.html Picture from - http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=9181643

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Please Stop That


Worst strip tease ever. She looks like she is trying to seduce her favorite holiday dishes from the appetizer table on Christmas morning. It's all about the dance and the game before she eats them. It's not enough for her to feel like she's conquered those toast points topped with caviar, she needs to feel like she won their loyalty. Saucy little minx!

Picture from - http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20323391,00.html#20710346

No One Likes A Fatty


British people are fucking nuts. They have fucked up teeth that they won't fix, they fucking love Susan Boyle and they eat mud for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Insert a British reality show about a modeling contest for the physically handicapped, call it "Britain's Missing Top Model" and that rounds it off.
"There is something both bold and troubling about “Britain’s Missing Top Model,” a reality show that begins on Tuesday on BBC America that pits disabled women against one another to compete for a photo spread in the U.K. edition of Marie Claire magazine."
Is this offensive somehow? Seems like some granola-eating-tree-hugger or some group would have an issue with this. I don't really give a shit about models that are missing legs or arms because it isn't that interesting so good luck fighting my indifference. But, what I was super happy about is that this show did what it was suppose to do - shit on fat people. Thank God a show about girls overcoming boundaries in the fashion industry can indirectly remind everyone how much fat people suck.
One thing never changes in the beauty industry, however: an ounce of fat is a greater hurdle than a missing limb. “Rebecca’s disability didn’t cause me any problems,” a photographer says after shooting Rebecca, 27, a stunning brunette who was born with a deformed hip and wears a prosthetic leg. “It was just the fact she’s not really in shape. Most models are pretty toned, slimmer, more agile.”
Big applause for this show. They fucking got back to the main point - lose a few limbs and that's fine but if you gain a few pounds, just off yourself because there is no room for you in modern society other than being a clown. Finally, the British do something important. Those lazy bastards haven't done something worth anything since taxing our tea. Keep sucking on the revolution bitches!


Picture and article from -http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/01/arts/television/01model.html?_r=1