WWIII? I Know Where We Can Go

OctoMom says that there is still a possibility that she might have one more child. HOLY STRETCHED OUT VAGINA, BATMAN!

Octuplets mother Nadya Suleman says she doesn't plan on having more children unless she gets married someday "far" in the future. She says if that ever happens, she would only have one child. (Sic) "If someday far, far, far, far in the future, when they're older, if I meet somebody. ... I'm not going to say 100 percent 'no,'" Suleman said when asked if she planned to have more children. "I'm not going to say someday far in the future (I will) get married and want a baby with that person."

America owes this woman a debt of gratitude because we've got a free bomb shelter when WWIII comes around. Fucking, rock your socks off North Korea, Afghanistan and Tony Stark because America's covered. OctoMom has pushed so many kids through her vag that all of America and parts of Canada can fit in there. I'm thinking it's like Hawaii in there too. Mild temperatures, moist environment capable of growing a variety of self-sustainable produce and of course, great surf and hiking. Bring it on WWIII because it sounds like a gd vacation especially compared to the stale office I sit in with zero natural light and two windows that can't open. WWIII - not a problem anymore, rest easy kiddies.

Article - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/24/octomom-on-the-view-i-mig_n_475210.html
Picture - http://probaway.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/octomom_nadye_suleman_8_baby-belly.jpg

Best News All Day

Realistically, I go through my day in an absolute haze since I've master sleeping with my eyes open so I'm grasping at straws when I use the word "news". Hey, fuck you, don't judge.

Anyway, J. Lo fucking sucks; she's arrogant, self indulgent and she's got a fucking flea-infested lion's mane on top of her head. I seriously don't know if humanity can recover after her unholy reign, especially after her relationship with Ben Affleck which threatened to bring about another bubonic plague, but we're taking small steps.

Her two recent singles were flops, all but assuring that her CD would crash and burn, too. While her rep claims that Lopez’s contract was simply up and that it was a mutual decision not to re-sign, a source says Epic/Sony wasn’t willing to gamble on J.Lo.
…Lopez may try to release the album online now that Epic has shelved it.
“Epic technically owns the material from her album, so she needs to buy it back from them to have control over it,” the source says. “But she’ll try to release the album online if need be. It may be her last resort to take control of a poor situation.”

What up now Yennifer? She's gone far too long being famous for zero talent while still being an unparalleled banshee. She's not entertaining, she's not nice and doesn't add anything to anyone, anywhere. Listening to her sing is like listening to my 40 year old cousin sing from Queens, New York that has a permanently stuffed up nose. All I hear is a bunch of high pitched weezing from her nose and constant clicking from her fake nails. And I'm not even being as mean as I could be considering that she does things like gets a dog that bites her servants a.k.a the people that are waiting on her or request the hair from new born babies to make her ridiculous wigs. I don't know if that second part is true but it certainly the fuck seems possible, right? I hope she enjoys the taste of slowly losing relevance. Set the babies free!

Picture from - http://allwomenstalk.com/35-shocking-pictures-of-hot-celebrities-without-makeup/7/
Article from - http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/02/everyone-hates-jennifaa-yopez/

You Don't Get Cooler If You Say Your Movie Sucks

I'd love to go through my work day with my ears filled with wax to drowned out my coworker's bitching. If it's not my kid's private school this or my new Audi that, it's something. I'd perhaps give a shit if these people were decent human beings and showed me the common courtesy of pretending to know my name. If that were the case, then yeah, I could pretend to give a shit. Fucking Matthew Goode from "Leap Year" is a celebrity version of my coworkers - arrogant, insensitive, and makes me want to hurl. In a recent interview with the UK's Telegraph, Goode basically shat all over the movie.

"I just know that there are a lot of people who will say it is the worst film of 2010," he said in an interview with UK's Telegraph. Goode told the paper he knew the script of the Amy Adams flick was awful going in but isn't above taking an easy paycheck with a convenient shooting location. "That was the main reason I took it - so that I could come home at the weekends," he said. "It wasn't because of the script, trust me. I was told it was going to be like The Quiet Man with a Vaughan Williams soundtrack, but in the end it turned out to have pop music all over it."

Oh poor Mr. Goode. I'm sure he banked more money standing in front of a camera for 2 hours a day reciting lines that an ape could make sound more convincing than I make in three years. Hey dumbass, it's called a recession. At least you have a job and I'm sure that along with that job, you get an assistant, free food, and an endless line of people to kiss your ass. I, like a lot of people, am stuck in a shit hole where people continually yelll at me and say demeaning things that touch upon my daddy issues and I make just just above the poverty line.

But the silver lining that Mr. Goode should take comfort in is that at the end of the day, no one saw Leap Year or any of your other movies so you can still be "that's the one guy....um...I think he was in that Old Spice or Progressive commercial...what's his name? Leonardo Efron or something? Whatever. Whatelse is on?"

Article from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/24/matthew-goode-slames-leap_n_474734.html

Picture from - http://callmefreckles.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/matt.jpg

Big Baby Gets to Stay Up and Extra Hour

Tonight is the last night Jay Leno will get to host "The Jay Leno Show"as he will resume his post at the "Tonight Show". I never really liked Leno because I don't think he's that funny and his impersonations were fair at best. I was totally indifferent but during this whole Leno v. O'Brien issue, my feelings have graduated from indifferent to hatred. Leno's a big fucking baby who cried until he shit is diaper when Mama CBS gave his lollipop to another kid. It's not like CBS put him down like a HIV infested cat either; he still got to host his own show.

What a fucking cry baby. It's like that time my mom made me dig a hole to hide all of her empty bottles of gin from my grandma as punishment for telling her I was hungry. What she said then still remains true, "stop fucking crying because you look like a turd and being hungry is good for you. Now, go get mama another gin and tonic." Yeah, Jay, stop crying, you look like a wet turd and the pain will never go away anyway.

Story - http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2010/02/09/ashton-kutcher-gabourey-sidibe-join-leno-for-last-show/ Picture - http://cakepoker.com/blog/En/image.axd?picture=2010%2F1%2Fjay-leno-poker-after-dark.jpg

Monday's Revolution - Watching Shibas Shit

Those fucking cute Shiba puppies are back on U Stream and I could not be happy. Finding new ways to fuck off at work but still make it look like I'm working is like Lindsay Lohan finding an eight ball - BUG-EYE, CRAZY, FOUND-A-REASON-TO-LIVE EXCITMENT! If the two of you that actually read this don't know what I'm talking about then you're anti-America for the simple fact that you don't fuck off at work. Obviously, you're of the mindset that work is for work except for that hour lunch and productivity is your code of conduct Monday through Friday. Socialists! Listen, if wall street and all those other fuckheads can drain my parents' 401k and force me to except my emotionally abusive job because of the new recession mentality of "hey, it's tough out there, you should be thankful that you have a job" then guess what, I'm fucking off at work and I'm gonna fuck off A LOT. I get paid shit and I get treated like shit and apparently I'm suppose to be fine with it. Well, I may not have the nads to stage a walk out like Sally Fields but I will silently stick it to the man by watching these fucking cute puppies take shits, nap and lick each other's assholes instead of doing actual work. It's revolutionary Monday so get on my train!

Puppy Cam Link: http://www.ustream.tv/SFShiba
Picture from - http://trpennington.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/picture-15.png?w=442&h=362

How Is This News?

Mel Gibson is a drunk and angry bastard. Cue Captain Obvious music.

"During an interview to promote his new movie, "Edge of Darkness" Mel Gibson became visibly irritated with the WGN host for his questions about his personal struggles in the past (drinking problems, accusations of antisemitism). (sic) As the interview ends, it seems Gibson believes his mic is off, and he loudly calls the host an "asshole." The mic was still live, and the reporter heard it."

Oh whoa, Mel Gibson called someone an "asshole". YOU DON'T SAY!? Just look at the bastard. He looks like he's one drink away from punching himself in the face with his baby mama's stroller and then down her Russian Vodka. I just find it hilarious that he'll curse at anyone, sober or drunk. I think what would be news, and a good idea, is if America uses Mel as a weapon. We should send him to North Korea and after one bottle of vodka, one bottle of Jack Daniels and two hours, he'll have Kim Jong crying about the time someone said he looked like Humpty Dumpty back in second grade. Now that's a fucking great idea - psychological warfare starring Mel Gibson. It's Mel against the world.

Story - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/03/mel-gibson-asshole-video_n_447285.html

Picture from - http://www.cartoonbarry.com/mel-gibson-drunk.jpg

This Again?

I thought we were passed asking, "what the fuck happened to Katie Holmes?"I mean she's been standing up straight recently and she was flashing almost full smiles. She wasn't like glowing or anything but overall she stopped looking like such a bag lady that's been hitting the bottle for the past 10 years.

I guess Sundance must have been a real bitch because I found this picture of her and she looks like a fucking zombie. Compare her to Naomi Watts who also has children, is relatively just as famous, and has a famous husband. This is honestly a picture that you would show to aspiring EMTs during a lesson entitled, "This Is How You Know Someone Is Dead"or to the soldiers so that they could identity zombies from humans. Seriously, someone call the national guard because Tom Cruise is creating a legion of really tall, skinny and demure zombies. We were warned.

Picture from - http://www.peoplestylewatch.com/people/stylewatch/gallery/0,,20159269,00.html#20734402