The Skinny Fat Chick Says Dumb Shit

By all accounts, Jennifer Love Hewitt is suppose to be really nice and considering people have been calling her things like "Jennifer Love Chew-It", I don't want to be too hard on her. BUT (and yes, she does have a huge ass) she so fucking retarded that's it's hard not to make fun of her. She's like a puppy that shits in your shoes - obviously it couldn't help itself because it has a brain the size of a pea but SON OF A BITCH that little ball of fur is gonna get it!

Jennifer Love Hewitt wants girls to love their bodies as they are, she says in the new issue of People in which she dispenses diet and exercise tips. (sic) Despite her mental makeover, Jennifer, whose boyfriend once called her "pear ass," still wishes she looked like a supermodel. "I'd want to have Gisele Bundchen's body. Even though she's tall and skinny, she does have curves ... and I think that's hot," she said. "Halle Berry also is kind of amazing."

Is she serious? She's done nothing but bitch about the media's obsession with her weight and how society should concentrate on being healthy instead of skinny and then she fucking gives an interview where she says - I love my body but it kind of sucks compared to other people. WTF? Fur ball doesn't get that she's reinforcing the things she's bitching about. She's just another stupid celebrity but instead of being the kind I can laugh out, i.e. Lindsay Blow-han, she's just the annoying, whiny kind, i.e. Kate Gosselin. Love needs to either get fat and get it over with or get a drug addiction and actually be something in Hollywood.

Article from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/16/jennifer-love-hewitt-love_n_614015.html

Picture from - http://www.celebrityviplounge.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/jennifer-love-hewitt.jpg

Of Course You Do

Taylor Momsen from "Gossip Girl" is....um how do you say zeeis....ANNOYING A FUCK! Gossip Girl' rock star Taylor Momsen carries a knife. "I have my favorite black knife with me all the time," she told UK's Metro newspaper. "It's a switchblade. It relaxes me to flick it." It doesn't necessarily bother me that she wears garters instead of pants or that she looks like a raccoon or even that she's 16 and looks like a 50 year old hooker. What does bother me is this is all such an act. I use to wear all black when I was 16 because I was so depressed, gothic and something, something, something, the world couldn't handle my truth. I kind of think Taylor is the same way; a Courtney Love wanna-be that doesn't do drugs. Boring. People also get on my shit for telling kids to do drugs but here's a perfect example of me being right and those PTA fuckers being wrong. Taylor needs to drop a bunch of acid and snort a bunch of coke before any takes this act seriously. Go do drugs and you'll be rich, famous and considered a tortured artist. You're welcome for that piece of brilliant and free piece of advice kids now have a great summer!

Story From - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/13/taylor-momsen-i-carry-a-k_n_575086.html
Picture From - http://noonanjohnc.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/4011418527-momsen-t-relate-other-teens1.jpg

Your Mothers Are Retards - Happy Late Mother's Day

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not a conservative - shit, fuck, piss, tits, bitch - a self loathing asshole, sure, but not a conservative. I saw this video this morning that made my eyes burn it was so inappropriate. Basically it's a dance troop of 7 year old girls wearing bikinis and dancing to "Single Ladies". It's important to note that these girls look like fucking sluts. These kids are thrusting their hips, shaking their asses all while wearing basically nothing. Who the fuck ok'd this? Call me sexist but I'm going to point the finger at their retard mothers who think the only career for their daughters is stay-at-home-mom, midwife, secretary or stripper.

I picture a bunch of older, fat women, stuffing themselves with Cheetos and thinking to themselves "my baby is gonna be the next Britney Spears and we'll get them fancy, endless buffets at Sizzler." They've got to learn to chew the Cheetos first before swolling them whole cuts off the oxygen to their brain which in turns limits their brain function. If those stage whores were really thinking, I'm sure they'd sign these girls up to play the role of "bait" on a show called, "To Catch a Predator". Yeah, that's one step away from Broadway for those fucks.

Link to video: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/12/young-girls-do-beyonces-s_n_573130.html

Picture : http://www.thetartan.org/system/assets/0001/5560/asset_small.jpg

Bitter Doesn't Really Work For You

Christina Aguilera sucks; she's always sucked and she's always acted like a bitch. Honestly, who fucking cares that she has an eight octave range and can sing that stupid song from "Mulan"? She's no Britney and she'll never be as loved as Britney who, by the way, can barely function in regular society.

It must really chap Christian's ass that she's way more talented than Britney but she'll never be able to dethrone a brainless and talentless bag-o-jello that lip syncs for Cheetos. Bitter much? Guess that partially explains what crawled up Christina's butt during a recent interview in which she demanded that someone shoot the reporter that coughed during her interview.

Video link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/26/christina-aguilera-gets-m_n_552599.html

Bitch please! Be as diva-licious as you want but she'll always be referred to as "whatsherface....the wanna be Britney...oh come on, you know who I mean, what's her name again....something XXX porno tron"? She should be nicer and just thankful that she was even allowed to have a career. If this were China, fuck, a girl as tiny and as powerful as she is would have been forced to become an Olympic gymnast or die trying. Count your blessings.

Picture from - https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-T-41IRsI3oAqNzLSfB9fuxdqLvltTVEzmLbTpGFw5-wPSlBEQYHdZwq6HdRK_FrkbyCPSd89Knnmhpcbdywg3ADrkZb1lnyJksYntUW4twmeeP8oRvs22CO1CNHCObg06nMSuAQIwc/s400/christina-aguilera-bad-makeup-240tp042908.jpg

Story from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/26/christina-aguilera-gets-m_n_552599.html

I Don't Blame You, Kitten

This poor fucking kitten. Not only is it unwillingly involved in the douche-baggery that is Hollywood, but Kim Big-Boned-Kardashian is holding it by its neck for a Twitter picture. That kitten has hit fucking rock bottom and it isn't even one. It looks like it wants to fucking end its short little life and I don't blame it. If Kim Kardashian ever directly touched me, I'd probably have to cut off the limb to save my soul.

Let's get back to the point though, what the fuck, Kim?!?!? We don't pick you up by your double-wide just because you have excess skin there. Ok well no one has ever really attempted it because because picking her up by her ass would be like a five year old palming a basketball. Only a fucking 10 foot tall Avatar could handle her ass.

Oh and yeah, I'm more than comfortable to call Kim "fat" and "big-boned" even though I'm overweight because I don't treat animals like a prop and then post it on fucking Twitter. She should apologize to that kitten and then get back on her knees to suck of the E! network.

Picture from - http://twitpic.com/1gpmua

Daddy Would Be Proud

Katy Perry went to Coachella this weekend and dressed like a slutty version of Tina Turner from "Mad Max". I guess if I had a body like that I'd be more inclined to dress like a completely whore but I thought she was from a REALLY religious family. I mean, shouldn't she be dressed in long sleeves and screaming that makeup is the devil's crayons?

P.S. My friend who's in the know (wink, wink, because I'm cool like that) says Katy is a bitch and really demanding. Karma is going to catch up to her when her breasts hit the ground and hervagina rips to the size of the grand canyon after giving birth to Russell Brand's baby. You know that baby is coming out with daddy's Mohawk and that shit ain't coming out without ripping something. Karma's a bitch sometimes.

Picture from - http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/04/ohai-katy-perry-at-coachella/

I Love Whores

I love me some whores, especially whores doing random things. They kind of just do what they do and don't give a shit about anything. They don't care about what others think of them, about the speed limit, about their drinks being ruffied or about being accidentally impregnated.

I found this awesome video filled with what else, whores being awesome. They even found a fucking lama to be in their video. Shit yay! Here's to whores! Hip, hip, horay!

http://www.youtube.com/user/marons1?feature=mhw4#p/u/0/_v4CONsTUgQ

Rumer Willis Is Good Looking, Perez Not So Much

This post doesn't fall under the category of news but it does fall under the category of Perez Hilton is annoying as shit. Ok so yeah, I read Perezhilton. Whatever, go ahead and judge. Sure he's usually the last to report new celebrity gossip and yeah his commentary isn't really original but I'd rather read his dribble than actually having to look up from my computer while at work.

So I just read ANOTHER post of his where he bashes Rumer Willis. I don't get what she's done to him because based on how he writes about her, she like destroyed his vintage collection of Cher memoribilia or something.

Wow, Potato Head!! We didn't know you had it in you!!Good lord, he is HAWT!'Actress' Rumer Willis is apparently 'rumored' to be engaged to her boyfriend Micah Alberti, and the two could be married as early as June!! (sic) We guess she realizes that no matter how gay-faced he might be, Micah is the best girl is gonna get! Smart move, bb! Tie that shiz DOWN!

I'm not in the business of kissing celebrity ass but I've seen and talked to Rumer Willis and 1.) she's actually very pretty and 2.) she was super nice. I'll even go so far as to say that she was normal and there's non of that bullshit celebrity ego-bullshit. Just a really nice girl.

Back to the point, should Perez really be making fun of how people look? Fact: he's kind of weird looking himself. Fact: that overbite isn't doing him any favors. Fact: I KNOW girlfriend wishes he had Rumer's body. Obviously my good looks and amazing body personally excludes me from this debate (BOO-YAH!) so I can say whatever I want about how people look.

But seriously, Perez, it's getting to be mean especially since it's not like she's a drunk, or a bitch, or overexposed. I guess since I find Rumer beautiful, us beautiful people gotta look out for eachother. Beside, let's get back to bashing celebrities that really deserve i.e. the Gosselins, any of the Lohans or Sarah Palin!

Picture From : http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20080703/425.willis.hilton.070308.jpg
Perez Post: Celebrity gossip juicy celebrity rumors Hollywood gossip blog from Perez Hiltonhttp://perezhilton.com/#ixzz0lCsbn5dj

Fist to Face

There's one thing to make me come out of my depression induced coma and that's the Gosselins. See up until today I was kind of thinking, "fuck my two readers, I ain't do the Poop League anymore because drinking is a much better way to cope with a shitty boss." Twenty eight days later and one expensive cab ride back from Promises and I realized that I need the league.

God must have agreed with me because today I read yet another story about Kate Gosselin crying on People.com about being a single mom and being forced to do "Dancing With The Stars" to support her hundred children.

"I've got to work harder now than ever because I am a single mom," the former Jon & Kate Plus 8 star, 35, said Tuesday on NBC's Today show. "In my heart I'm always in my kitchen, baking and cooking for my kids, and I'll always be there. It's a struggle to be here [in New York], to be anywhere. The emotion that you see is because I would rather be at home with them."

Emotion? What emotion? I don't watch Dancing With Hasbeens or whatever the show is called but I have seen pictures of Kate having epilectic episodes all over that dancefloor and I would say her face shows an utter lack of emotion. On one hand I don't blame her, if I'd been porking that fat piece of shit known as Jon Gosselin for years, I'd have a hard time getting past numb but for fuck's sake, she's getting paid more than I make in two years to literally to be dragged across the dance floor. Why aren't single moms everywhere uniting to kick her ass? Just think about it, she gets so much more money, attention and perks than let's say the single mom working as a secretary at a dentist's office and all she does is bitch about it. Dude, seriously ladies, at the end of your 18 hour day, please organizing a royal ass kicking instead of enjoying your ten minutes of "me" time. Now that I would watch.


Story from - http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20360412,00.html
Pictures from - http://gomezhyatt.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/1263418461_kate-gosselin-290.jpg

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WWIII? I Know Where We Can Go

OctoMom says that there is still a possibility that she might have one more child. HOLY STRETCHED OUT VAGINA, BATMAN!

Octuplets mother Nadya Suleman says she doesn't plan on having more children unless she gets married someday "far" in the future. She says if that ever happens, she would only have one child. (Sic) "If someday far, far, far, far in the future, when they're older, if I meet somebody. ... I'm not going to say 100 percent 'no,'" Suleman said when asked if she planned to have more children. "I'm not going to say someday far in the future (I will) get married and want a baby with that person."

America owes this woman a debt of gratitude because we've got a free bomb shelter when WWIII comes around. Fucking, rock your socks off North Korea, Afghanistan and Tony Stark because America's covered. OctoMom has pushed so many kids through her vag that all of America and parts of Canada can fit in there. I'm thinking it's like Hawaii in there too. Mild temperatures, moist environment capable of growing a variety of self-sustainable produce and of course, great surf and hiking. Bring it on WWIII because it sounds like a gd vacation especially compared to the stale office I sit in with zero natural light and two windows that can't open. WWIII - not a problem anymore, rest easy kiddies.

Article - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/24/octomom-on-the-view-i-mig_n_475210.html
Picture - http://probaway.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/octomom_nadye_suleman_8_baby-belly.jpg

Best News All Day

Realistically, I go through my day in an absolute haze since I've master sleeping with my eyes open so I'm grasping at straws when I use the word "news". Hey, fuck you, don't judge.

Anyway, J. Lo fucking sucks; she's arrogant, self indulgent and she's got a fucking flea-infested lion's mane on top of her head. I seriously don't know if humanity can recover after her unholy reign, especially after her relationship with Ben Affleck which threatened to bring about another bubonic plague, but we're taking small steps.

Her two recent singles were flops, all but assuring that her CD would crash and burn, too. While her rep claims that Lopez’s contract was simply up and that it was a mutual decision not to re-sign, a source says Epic/Sony wasn’t willing to gamble on J.Lo.
…Lopez may try to release the album online now that Epic has shelved it.
“Epic technically owns the material from her album, so she needs to buy it back from them to have control over it,” the source says. “But she’ll try to release the album online if need be. It may be her last resort to take control of a poor situation.”

What up now Yennifer? She's gone far too long being famous for zero talent while still being an unparalleled banshee. She's not entertaining, she's not nice and doesn't add anything to anyone, anywhere. Listening to her sing is like listening to my 40 year old cousin sing from Queens, New York that has a permanently stuffed up nose. All I hear is a bunch of high pitched weezing from her nose and constant clicking from her fake nails. And I'm not even being as mean as I could be considering that she does things like gets a dog that bites her servants a.k.a the people that are waiting on her or request the hair from new born babies to make her ridiculous wigs. I don't know if that second part is true but it certainly the fuck seems possible, right? I hope she enjoys the taste of slowly losing relevance. Set the babies free!

Picture from - http://allwomenstalk.com/35-shocking-pictures-of-hot-celebrities-without-makeup/7/
Article from - http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/02/everyone-hates-jennifaa-yopez/

You Don't Get Cooler If You Say Your Movie Sucks

I'd love to go through my work day with my ears filled with wax to drowned out my coworker's bitching. If it's not my kid's private school this or my new Audi that, it's something. I'd perhaps give a shit if these people were decent human beings and showed me the common courtesy of pretending to know my name. If that were the case, then yeah, I could pretend to give a shit. Fucking Matthew Goode from "Leap Year" is a celebrity version of my coworkers - arrogant, insensitive, and makes me want to hurl. In a recent interview with the UK's Telegraph, Goode basically shat all over the movie.

"I just know that there are a lot of people who will say it is the worst film of 2010," he said in an interview with UK's Telegraph. Goode told the paper he knew the script of the Amy Adams flick was awful going in but isn't above taking an easy paycheck with a convenient shooting location. "That was the main reason I took it - so that I could come home at the weekends," he said. "It wasn't because of the script, trust me. I was told it was going to be like The Quiet Man with a Vaughan Williams soundtrack, but in the end it turned out to have pop music all over it."

Oh poor Mr. Goode. I'm sure he banked more money standing in front of a camera for 2 hours a day reciting lines that an ape could make sound more convincing than I make in three years. Hey dumbass, it's called a recession. At least you have a job and I'm sure that along with that job, you get an assistant, free food, and an endless line of people to kiss your ass. I, like a lot of people, am stuck in a shit hole where people continually yelll at me and say demeaning things that touch upon my daddy issues and I make just just above the poverty line.

But the silver lining that Mr. Goode should take comfort in is that at the end of the day, no one saw Leap Year or any of your other movies so you can still be "that's the one guy....um...I think he was in that Old Spice or Progressive commercial...what's his name? Leonardo Efron or something? Whatever. Whatelse is on?"

Article from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/24/matthew-goode-slames-leap_n_474734.html

Picture from - http://callmefreckles.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/matt.jpg

Big Baby Gets to Stay Up and Extra Hour

Tonight is the last night Jay Leno will get to host "The Jay Leno Show"as he will resume his post at the "Tonight Show". I never really liked Leno because I don't think he's that funny and his impersonations were fair at best. I was totally indifferent but during this whole Leno v. O'Brien issue, my feelings have graduated from indifferent to hatred. Leno's a big fucking baby who cried until he shit is diaper when Mama CBS gave his lollipop to another kid. It's not like CBS put him down like a HIV infested cat either; he still got to host his own show.

What a fucking cry baby. It's like that time my mom made me dig a hole to hide all of her empty bottles of gin from my grandma as punishment for telling her I was hungry. What she said then still remains true, "stop fucking crying because you look like a turd and being hungry is good for you. Now, go get mama another gin and tonic." Yeah, Jay, stop crying, you look like a wet turd and the pain will never go away anyway.

Story - http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2010/02/09/ashton-kutcher-gabourey-sidibe-join-leno-for-last-show/ Picture - http://cakepoker.com/blog/En/image.axd?picture=2010%2F1%2Fjay-leno-poker-after-dark.jpg

Monday's Revolution - Watching Shibas Shit

Those fucking cute Shiba puppies are back on U Stream and I could not be happy. Finding new ways to fuck off at work but still make it look like I'm working is like Lindsay Lohan finding an eight ball - BUG-EYE, CRAZY, FOUND-A-REASON-TO-LIVE EXCITMENT! If the two of you that actually read this don't know what I'm talking about then you're anti-America for the simple fact that you don't fuck off at work. Obviously, you're of the mindset that work is for work except for that hour lunch and productivity is your code of conduct Monday through Friday. Socialists! Listen, if wall street and all those other fuckheads can drain my parents' 401k and force me to except my emotionally abusive job because of the new recession mentality of "hey, it's tough out there, you should be thankful that you have a job" then guess what, I'm fucking off at work and I'm gonna fuck off A LOT. I get paid shit and I get treated like shit and apparently I'm suppose to be fine with it. Well, I may not have the nads to stage a walk out like Sally Fields but I will silently stick it to the man by watching these fucking cute puppies take shits, nap and lick each other's assholes instead of doing actual work. It's revolutionary Monday so get on my train!

Puppy Cam Link: http://www.ustream.tv/SFShiba
Picture from - http://trpennington.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/picture-15.png?w=442&h=362

How Is This News?

Mel Gibson is a drunk and angry bastard. Cue Captain Obvious music.

"During an interview to promote his new movie, "Edge of Darkness" Mel Gibson became visibly irritated with the WGN host for his questions about his personal struggles in the past (drinking problems, accusations of antisemitism). (sic) As the interview ends, it seems Gibson believes his mic is off, and he loudly calls the host an "asshole." The mic was still live, and the reporter heard it."

Oh whoa, Mel Gibson called someone an "asshole". YOU DON'T SAY!? Just look at the bastard. He looks like he's one drink away from punching himself in the face with his baby mama's stroller and then down her Russian Vodka. I just find it hilarious that he'll curse at anyone, sober or drunk. I think what would be news, and a good idea, is if America uses Mel as a weapon. We should send him to North Korea and after one bottle of vodka, one bottle of Jack Daniels and two hours, he'll have Kim Jong crying about the time someone said he looked like Humpty Dumpty back in second grade. Now that's a fucking great idea - psychological warfare starring Mel Gibson. It's Mel against the world.

Story - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/03/mel-gibson-asshole-video_n_447285.html

Picture from - http://www.cartoonbarry.com/mel-gibson-drunk.jpg

This Again?

I thought we were passed asking, "what the fuck happened to Katie Holmes?"I mean she's been standing up straight recently and she was flashing almost full smiles. She wasn't like glowing or anything but overall she stopped looking like such a bag lady that's been hitting the bottle for the past 10 years.

I guess Sundance must have been a real bitch because I found this picture of her and she looks like a fucking zombie. Compare her to Naomi Watts who also has children, is relatively just as famous, and has a famous husband. This is honestly a picture that you would show to aspiring EMTs during a lesson entitled, "This Is How You Know Someone Is Dead"or to the soldiers so that they could identity zombies from humans. Seriously, someone call the national guard because Tom Cruise is creating a legion of really tall, skinny and demure zombies. We were warned.

Picture from - http://www.peoplestylewatch.com/people/stylewatch/gallery/0,,20159269,00.html#20734402

Just In Time For Mother's Day, 2010

Whoever said "ho bags can't be good mothers" obviously never met Shauna Sands. Martha Stewart and all those country club wives better watch the fuck out because Shauna is the real deal. Some might look at this photograph and say "she's horrible example for her daughters" or "my eyes, my eyes, they burn" but they just aren't looking hard enough. In her busy day of X-rated movie-making and beach trolling with men that physically abuse her, Shauna manages to knit her own dress, color coordinate her daughter's outfits AND still find some "me" time. That's resourceful, nurturing, proactive and not to mention prudent since found a pair of granny-panties to wear. Now that's a mother! Those fucking country club moms don't know the meaning of true motherhood with their PTA meetings, polo shirts, car pools, private schools and organic foods. Shauna Jr. is disgusted just thinking about them. Thatta girl.

Picture from - http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/01/how-can-this-be-legal/

Because I Hate You and Myself

If I'm going to have topless pictures of Courtney have this burned into my memory, I'm taking you down with me.

Article and Picture from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/13/topless-courtney-love-sho_n_421483.html

Fucking Nerds

Nerds can't handle life. They've been playing to many computer games and jerking off to too much porn and consequently they're all pale, they're lonely, they don't know how to interact with the regular people and they're too fucking sensitive. Case in point:

On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled "Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.

One fan wrote:

'I can't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it. I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in 'Avatar.'

*Sigh. If these nerds spent sometime outside of their gaming/porn chair and learned how to interact with people, they would have discovered the solution to their problem....DRUGS. I fucking hate life too and I love dreaming about ending it all and I'm not even anything special, everyone thinks about that shit. The key to coping is drugs and booze. I have to spend 10 hours a day, at my desk, taking it up the butt from the world but when I get home, I fucking drink and smoke those memories into oblivion. And guess what, that shit fucking works because all my problems seem so fixable and so not important. Nerds need to stop dreaming about a planet with blue Sasquatches for people and start dreaming about the next time they can get high and drunk like us normal folks.
One day they'll thank me for this.

Story from - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/12/avatar-induced-depression_n_420605.html
Picture from - http://wp.enderzero.net/uploads/avatar.jpg

A Dark Knight

Thank God for stories like this because I would NOT be able to deal with getting yelled at constantly, the extra 15 lbs I'm carrying around or Casey Johnson's death without reading about someone like Heidi Montag.

At just 23 years old, The Hills star Heidi Montag decided to go under the knife for a second time and have a staggering 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day. "For the past three years, I've thought about what to have done," the reality star tells PEOPLE. "I'm beyond obsessed."

2010 isn't looking like it's going to be a good year for Heidi's face. Heidi was never really a looker shall we say but she was actually kind of pretty after her second round of facial surgeries (circa 2008). Fucked it all to hell now because she looks like a blond version of MJ. Her eyes alone look like the fucking Batman symbol where the wings slope upwards at an unnatural angel. She could fucking stop crime and strike fear into the hearts of criminals everywhere with that face Good job, Heidi. TO THE BAT CAVE!



Story from - http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20336472,00.html
Picture from - http://perezhilton.com/2010-01-13-so-this-is-why-we-havent-seen-much-of-heidi-montag-lately
Picture from - http://www.photoshopstar.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/batman-logo.jpg

Dirty Ho Bags and Juice Heads Have Stolen My Head

If you aren't watching "The Jersey Shore" fucking start watching it because it's awesome. I knew it was going to be amazing even before I saw it because sluts, Guido, rhinestones, Jersey and damaged brain cells make for a show that shits pure gold. For those of you that aren't watching, then you won't be able to appreciate the picture above and therefore we won't ever be friends and that's too bad because I'm fucking cool. Such a lonely life you lead.

Picture from - http://perezhilton.com/2010-01-04-michael-ceras-jersey-shore-makeover

Let Yourself Go Much?

Dude, Gerard Butler, what the fuck happened? You have a gut and a set of man boobs that look like they are begging to be milked. Oh by the way, if you find something that offers the support of an under wire without the actual wire, call me because that's the holy grail for us big-chested folks.

Picture from - http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20333985,00.html

I'm A Fatty, Pick Me!

Being fat sucks balls for a million reasons but if I'm going to be fat, I want to be fat in America. I feel like fat people in America are like snobby people in France, it's just where they belong and where you would expect to find them. Well looks like the fucking fatties in America are finally coming out on top.

Subway's previous weight loss poster child, Jared, may have fallen off the wagon, but now the sandwich chain is eying another possible success story. Subway, one of the show's sponsors, will pay 'Biggest Loser' contestant Shay Sorrles $1,000 for ever pound she loses before the show's Season 9 finale in May.

Dude, seriously Subway, pick me. I'm fat, I've failed at every diet and I can barely see my feet anymore when I look down. Plus, I'm not only fat but I'm broke as shit too. If you pay me $1,000 per pound, I'll fucking look like I've been in a starvation camp for a year. I'll look like Amy Winehouse and all those cracked out fashion magazines that airbrush their models to unrealistic proportions will cover their magazines in Subway ads. Everyone wins. PICK ME!

Article - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/04/subway-to-pay-biggest-los_n_410300.html Picture from - http://www.realitywanted.com/images/upload/biggestloser/season8/BL8-Shay.jpg

Social Darwinism Is Our Only Hope

If stupid people kill themselves doing stupid shit, then whatever, I'm not going to complain. I don't want to meet one of those fuckers and have a stupid ass child with one of them. What I do give a shit about is stupid-ass people taking out us regular people. If those assholes are taking people down, they need to take down one of those juice heads that work at a gym. Those dipshits would scan their own dick as my membership card because guess what, steroids don't make you smarter! Anyway, I digress from the main point - stupid assholes. Enter stupid fucker and shitty rapper, Bow Wow.

Bow Wow spent New Year's Eve at IV at the Fontainbleau in Miami and Bow Wow took to his Twitter to recount the night's illegal happenings for the world to see.

"Face numb im whippin the lambo. Tispy as f*k. Just left @livmiami."

Im f**ked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris might have to drive after next spot."

Just for reference the "Chris" he is referring to in his last post is Chris Brown. What are the fucking odds that you have two stupid assholes driving drunk, in a fast car, in an area with bridges and they survived the night?!?!? That's like giving a fat camp the keys to a Twinkie factor and returning to find every single Twinkie accounted for. It's so unlikely that it's unreal.

Side note: At least the dipshit is smart enough recognize that he's lucky he didn't kill someone but he's still a fucking idiot because an ape could have written a better apology with finger paint.

"Apologize for that tweet. it was stupid and immature. not a way i want to kick my #2010 year off. i got too much good stuff lined up. my bad."

Oh my bad, I killed your parents and now you're going to have to live with your Aunt who will neglect you and treat you like an indentured servant. Oh my bad, I killed the family dog, Fluffy, that you daughter loved more than her own life and who helped take her mind off the leukemia that is slowly eating through her organs.

Article from - http://perezhilton.com/2010-01-02-bow-wow-tweets-while-drunk-driving
Picture from - http://buzzworthy.mtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/bow_wow.jpg